I am so grateful for this extraordinary life and for you! In recapping this year, it boggles my mind how much has happened and how many amazing people like you I am blessed to have in this journey.
Divorce: If you have not yet heard, the biggest shift this year has been Melanie’s and my conscious uncoupling. We separated in January and I moved in with my great friends. Melanie and I invested a few more months seeing if we could improve our marriage and decided to file for divorce in May. It just finalized a couple of weeks ago in December. We truly had an amazing 13 years together, better than I thought possible, for which I will be forever grateful. The primary reason for our split was that we had been growing apart over the last 3 years with increasingly different desires and values. This was the toughest and most painful decision I have ever made in my life, and I feel liberated and in alignment with my calling like never before. Thank you Melanie for being such a loyal, inspiring, and sexy, friend, partner, muse and lover. You taught me so much and I am so grateful for all of our amazing times together. I wish you only the best in your future.
Ecstatic Hearts™: I have been restructuring my Tantra company into more of an umbrella organization that can support many facilitators to teach and spread Tantra. We now have 3 virtual assistants, new systems and structures, a leadership team and multiple facilitators. I am doing everything I can to replace myself so that we can scale and grow exponentially. We sold out our last couple of weekend intensive trainings and had to turn people away for the first time. The next two are Tantra Awakening 1/28-1/31 and Sexual Empowerment 3/25-3/28. We also just completed a 12week Tantra Series at Flow Yoga studio and the Austin Tantra festival. We are in the editing phase of The Wizard of O: Tantric Love Awakens, which we plan to turn into 3 best-selling books, a movie series, and a video game universe. If you have not done so already, I highly recommend you checking out https://www.ecstatichearts.com/live-events
Trainings: I have really been focusing on learning this year. In addition to a host of Tantra trainings (see below), I have been enrolled in lots of Genius U online trainings, website strategy consulting, Authentic Relating Facilitator’s Training, and a Global Change Agent program. I also signed up for upcoming Mindlight’s 16 week Trauma course and Atlas’ multi-month Leadership program. I have been learning how to better manage stress and take care of my body, trusting and letting go of control, and being a more sensitive and effective leader. Really honing in on our key values, messaging, and strategy to most effectively bring Tantra to the world.
Walkabout: In February, I took some time by myself to visit nature. I visited Enchanted Rock, Garner and Los Maples State parks. I did a spirit quest of sorts communing with mushrooms and trees. I somehow forgot my sleeping bag and blanket which was when the Snowpocalypse front was moving in. I had to cut my vacation short and time my reentry into Austin to avoid the iced roads and not be stranded. Made it back for Valentines where we ran around naked in the 9 degree snow.
Cabo: Later that month, Melanie and I took a week-long Tantric playshop in Mexico led by Monique, Peter, and Laurence (to improve our relationship) with a host of other loving sexy people. We ate some amazing food and spent a couple of extra days at a luxury resort on the beach. One highlight was a party boat cruise where we snorkeled and saw Sea Lions and Whales up close.
Big Bend: In March, Melanie, my Sister’s family and great friends went on a vacation together. We had some scenic hikes with amazing trails and canyons. On the way, we explored Sonora caverns, one of the most beautiful caves on our planet, and Marfa and their paranormal lights.
ISTA’s SSSex1: In March, I also explored the International School of Temple Arts, Spiritual Shamanic Sexual Experience 1 for the first time. It offered many Tantra skills complimentary to Ecstatic Hearts™ and was a lot of fun. My biggest breakthrough was in trust. Met some amazing people in a sex positive environment that celebrates everyone’s sovereignty.
Peru: I spent a couple weeks in Peru, tagging along with 16 recent graduates of ISTA, a fabulous Tantra community of sexy, energetic new friends. After taking 2 planes, a train, 2 buses, and various taxis, I arrived at one of the most beautiful and spiritual locations on the planet; Machu Picchu. We then returned to a beautiful resort, hiked to and frolicked naked in a waterfall. Then went to Pisac in the Sacred Valley, delving into local culture which included Kirtan, hiking, massage, and an epic Ecstatic Dance with live Peruvian music at a gorgeous resort. I then did 3 intensive all night medicine ceremonies with only 2 days between each. First, I had a 5-meo-dmt (Buffo) experience in which I dissolved into the oneness of the divine, felt reborn, then integrated and cleared my energy channels for a month or so afterwards. Next, I offered an enhanced Tantra play party to 2 other men and 6 women. I had an emotional clearing with a man that was one of the most intimate nonsexual experiences of my life. After having a breakthrough in loneliness, I connected with a new female friend for a couple of sexy energetic hours outside while a beautiful dawn rose among the mountains. Two days later, I partook of Huachuma (San Pedro), which was one of the most miserable and purging experiences of my life, though the morning after was nice.
Overall, I made some wonderful friends and ate amazing food, almost all organic and grown locally, including cacao, chirimoya, guanabana soursop, lucuma, maracuya passion fruits and reeds. Journeyed to Lake Titicaca on an overnight bus, then boated to two islands. The Unos are over 100 islands all made of reeds (including their homes, boats, and more), inhabited by the native people that go back 7 thousand years. The reeds they pull from the lake serve as their primary food, building material, fuel, and medicine. Amantani, the second isle, did not have any cars and I was one of only 3-4 tourists that stayed overnight on the whole island. The two hour walk around it was one of the most peaceful and beautiful I have ever had. Outside Puno, I visited the Pre-Incan Fertility Site in the shadow of the Santa Domingo Catholic Church. Then, I came back to Cusco to visit the cobblestone stairs, museums, and restaurants of the city before returning home.
Dragon Con in Atlanta: I attended one of the largest fantasy festivals in the world in September in Atlanta. Due to Covid, there were “only” half of 80K fans that normally attend. There were more cosplay people, robots, and outrageous costumes than I have ever seen before in my life. Mainly I was in workshops on how to be a better writer and editor learning from some of my favorite best-selling authors. While there, I had a breakthrough in Abundance Mindset and contributed a few hundred dollars to the homeless and hungry. Also, bought some cool art, knives, and fantasy apparel.
Unfold Fest in Costa Rica: Participated in a variety of conscious classes primarily focused on Jamie Wheel’s Recapture the Rapture where we discussed how Tantra is one of the keys that will same humanity from destroying itself in the next 10 years. We stayed at an all-inclusive fancy resort with multiple all-you-can-eat restaurants, 7 levels of pools, and iguana and raccoons that would rifle through your take-out dishes left outside your room at night. This was one of the few places in the world where one could swim in bio-luminescence, which we did every night, naked of course. We also had a pretty amazing hike to and swim in a waterfall in the jungle (see photo), and had a magical time on the beach.
Festivals (I taught at): Began the year with the Austin Tantra Fest online, where we touched 128 souls. Later, I and other Ecstatic Hearts™ taught live at Burning Mask, Medicine for the People, Solar Punk Summit, Livitup’s Halloween Freak Show, and an Orgy Burn (last three events I did all in the same weekend). Finished the year hosting the Austin Tantra Festival 2020, which was the biggest Tantra gathering in the history of the US, around 266 people. Made some really deep connections with new and old friends, facilitated healing for myself and others, had some great dancing, super sexy times, and many magical moments. Highlights included “dirty” dancing, 20 handed “fire” massage, knife play/bondage/fisting demonstrations, naked acro yoga, being the model for energy erotic blueprint class, wax play, Star Trek porn, grief dance, primal play, and lovely intimate encounters that surpassed my greatest aspirations.
Hobbies: I have been exploring lots of different hiking trails around Austin; there are so many more hidden miles that I imagined. Also trying out new restaurants, one of my favorites is all you can eat Sushi Junai 2. I enjoyed our $300 Uchi experience, but had to eat at Whataburger afterwards as we were still quite hungry. I still love fantasy books, role playing games, and movies. When I have time, I also do occasional day trips to parks or towns. One example was San Antonio: where we met friends, ate at the Rainforest Café, did the Riverwalk, saw their Japanese Botanical Gardens, and watched the Comedian JP Sears.
Parties: This year, I have participated in and led more Pujas, play parties, ceremonies, Tantra workshops, Temple parties, and T-parties than I can count. I moved into the Goddess Temple in August which is as much an event hosting location as a home. We now host here more parties than I can even attend (currently around one event per week); I regularly encounter people now out in the world for the first time that have already attended a party at my home I had not met. Too many amazing moments to recount. Celebrated New Years with Covid in my hot tub watching neighbor’s fireworks, grateful for the opportunity to slow down, relax and have some me time without a party.
Forgiveness: One of the biggest breakthroughs I had this year on the 4th of July was forgiving myself for all pain and suffering for all beings. This includes choosing to honor my needs vs. sacrificing them to others. I am learning how to say No more and streamlining my life so I can function without overwhelm. I am listening to divine guidance in order to take purposeful aligned actions vs past patterned activity. I am letting go of all “shoulds”. I am fully trusting divine timing. I am embracing that though my purpose and joy is in helping others heal and grow, it is not my job to fix anyone. One epiphany is that the greatest form of forgiveness is recognizing there was never anything truly wrong done to me (I chose to be human and to experience it all). I no longer choose suffering and all my future experiences of pain shall be in releasing them on my path to love and bliss.
Self Love: The biggest themes for me this year have been trusting the Universe and learning to fully love myself. The year began with me healing my unlovable story that had been with me my whole life. Just completed practicing Conscious Celibacy for 6 months (refraining from traditional intercourse anyway) in order to learn lessons from my divorce and really explore my needs and desires, without jumping too quickly into any new serious relationships. This allowed me to fall more deeply in love with myself and become a better partner for the future. Despite choosing not to have sex for the first time in my life for an extended period, I have never felt more loved, intimately supported, or surrounded by more sexiness. I actually had numerous breakthroughs in loving myself, non-attachment, allowing myself to fully feel, breaking habits of co-dependence, owning my power without apologizing for who I am, stepping into my king, empowering others to champion love vs. doing it all myself, and seeing myself as super sexy. During a recent party, I made love in the mirror to myself, screaming for some time where the whole house could hear me and had one of the best orgasms of my life. I used that energy to open my heart even further. I thought I fully loved myself before, but now it feels like I can access the deepest level of acceptance possible. I don’t ever feel lonely anymore and the world is showing up more friendly and beautiful than ever. I believe this is actually one of the core reasons we are here as humans; once we all learn how to fully love ourselves and awaken to the fact that we are all connected, we will have peace on Earth in this lifetime.
Thank you for listening and being a part of my life.