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The Power of Loving Yourself Fully

Hello everybody, this is ScottieO with Ecstatic Hearts. I am talking to you about self love. One of the most important things that I think we can do to heal ourselves and the world yet our culture doesn't really appreciate self love so much. They were kind of taught that you should be modest and that narcissism is bad and I'm not talking about narcissism but a genuine love for oneself. Most people can love themselves far more deeply than they do. Most of us have stories at the back of our head, we're not good enough, that there's something wrong with us and people won't like us and all this baloney that is not true. What I'm here to talk about is a breakthrough I just had in self love. So let me go back just a little bit.

 

When I was three or four, my first memory is having my mom who's the most unconditionally loving person I've ever met who was a fountain of love but she was also bipolar. So she was usually fun and excited and zany, maybe even a little manic. Maybe I get some of that from her but when - but then this one time, she flipped and she got really angry at me and was yelling at me for making too much noise and she was shaking me and I was going, "What the heck happened to my mom?" I didn't even understand the concept of possession at the time but I thought she was possessed. Maybe she was but something had shifted and my life was forever changed because I went from stability, love. This is my basis to what is wrong with me, what did I cause and I created what I called an abandonment trigger. So from here on out, whenever I felt a loss of love or something leaving me, I would go on alert and I become stressed and I would be clingy and things like that.

 

So now, I've been doing a lot of work on myself. I've been doing personal development tantra for years and years and so this is kind of this big issue, it became kind of a dull roar. I didn't think it was an issue. Part of this part was if you know me and you would guess that I didn't really care what people think, right? Because I'm kind of out there, I'm pretty - I'm transparent, I'm bold, I'm not afraid to be who I am and I thought that I didn't give a hoot about what other people thought of me. I realized that there's a deeper level that I touched. Before I get into that, I'm getting ahead of myself, let me tell you what happened just last week. So I was - during a tantric experience and we're moving lots of energy and that's, I think, one of the keys is the more energy - what I found is that energy has an intelligence of its own and all I do is open myself up to feel - fully feeling my feelings, allowing energy to transmute, to moving up in our body and it does the rest. It knows what to do, it heals. I just allow myself to open, flow, feel more, go to love, choose love. That's really the biggest secret of tantra and it sounds easier than it is because what that means is that you would also get to have the courage to face your greatest fears, your most uncomfortable moments, all the crap that you don't want to unpack from your skeleton closet. Because that's the power of tantra is you got to fully feel the feelings, you got to let them out because they've been trapped in you and holding you down as you try to repress and push them down and restrict who you are or what you're feeling in the moment, you're just creating problems for yourself physical, emotional and otherwise.

 

So knowing this, I'm in the process of feeling and I'm going through this, I had a breakthrough in my health. Immediately afterward, Melanie came in, my wife. What's interesting is that she has a story around rejection and I've got a trigger around abandonment and usually my abandonment story dances with her trigger - her story about being rejected and they dance and they kind of support each other and we'll go, "Did you feel this rejection?" "Yes, I felt rejected too. How about you?" We kind of do this thing. So she came in again and she was saying, "You aren't spending enough time with me. I'm feeling rejected by you." I was like, "Okay, honey." I got that this is the story that we're playing. It's not true. I love her, she loves me, we spend more time together than anybody I know yet still, we sometimes bump up or had bumped up against this whole story that dances. So I said, "You know what we need to do is just let's fully feel our feelings. Let's get into it." Actually, I don't know if I said that but that's what I created and so she went to the room and she was like curled up and kind of sat. So I joined her and I spooned her and we just kind of in a fetal position together and we started feeling. I felt a deeper level of sorrow and pain and heartbreak and a loneliness that I've never felt before. I was feeding some of hers but it was bringing out in me. By the way, that's one of the advantages of relationships, especially romantic relationships is our stories continue to trigger each other until we deal with them.

 

So it's like it allows you to have someone that mirrors the stuff that you want to clear and get rid of until you actually do. So by supporting her and mirroring what she was feeling, I was healing myself. I was going to the deepest, rootest feelings that I had and allowing them to come out. It was painful, it really sucked but it was sweet and it was nurturing and it allowed me to really go where we've never gone before. So that lasted for about 20-30 minutes or so. But what I found was remarkable. I was really doing this I thought to support her. But I got a bigger result in that I really got out whatever had been deep-seated within me and released it. I came out of that experience going, "Holy cow. Where is my rejection story?" I was going, "It's gone." It was kind of like a part of myself had been carrying around my whole life so long that I didn't even know it was there. What I recognized was, I just felt free.

 

What I'm saying earlier is, I usually didn't think I cared about what other people think. What I realized is that I always had a deep quiet voice that will be in the back of my mind that would be saying, "Well, are you doing enough? What's going on now? Are you helping the person that needs to be helped? Is this person okay? What are they thinking about you now? Are you on time?" For all you guys that know, I have triggers on time, this is the underlying story. Not that I don't think integrity's so important but there was a fear, there was an anxiousness, a stress around am I doing enough? Am I being who I need to be? Am I serving? It basically boiled down to, what are people thinking of me and what am I thinking of myself. So once I had the shift and I went, "Wow. I really love myself." That all kind of went away and I was at a party and normally, I'm the host. I'm like, "How are you doing? Are you okay?" I said, "You know what? They're all adults, it's a party. It's going fine. I don't need to worry about them. I'm going to take care of myself." This doesn't mean that I don't still love people and appreciate them and - but it also means that I am going to care - I felt that I need to care for myself first. I get to love myself and if I love myself, take care of myself, then I'll have more energy and more to give to others and there's nothing wrong with that, people. It's like so many people think that love is compromise and giving up your needs for others and I don't buy into that. I believe that we get to be fully healed self-love beings that are completely content in and of ourselves, have all our needs met and then we partner with someone who has all of their needs met and it's 1+1=3 and you create magic. Interdependence, not co-dependence.

Hello everybody, this is ScottieO with Ecstatic Hearts. I am talking to you about self love. One of the most important things that I think we can do to heal ourselves and the world yet our culture doesn't really appreciate self love so much. They were kind of taught that you should be modest and that narcissism is bad and I'm not talking about narcissism but a genuine love for oneself. Most people can love themselves far more deeply than they do. Most of us have stories at the back of our head, we're not good enough, that there's something wrong with us and people won't like us and all this baloney that is not true. What I'm here to talk about is a breakthrough I just had in self love. So let me go back just a little bit.

When I was three or four, my first memory is having my mom who's the most unconditionally loving person I've ever met who was a fountain of love but she was also bipolar. So she was usually fun and excited and zany, maybe even a little manic. Maybe I get some of that from her but when - but then this one time, she flipped and she got really angry at me and was yelling at me for making too much noise and she was shaking me and I was going, "What the heck happened to my mom?" I didn't even understand the concept of possession at the time but I thought she was possessed. Maybe she was but something had shifted and my life was forever changed because I went from stability, love. This is my basis to what is wrong with me, what did I cause and I created what I called an abandonment trigger. So from here on out, whenever I felt a loss of love or something leaving me, I would go on alert and I become stressed and I would be clingy and things like that.

So now, I've been doing a lot of work on myself. I've been doing personal development tantra for years and years and so this is kind of this big issue, it became kind of a dull roar. I didn't think it was an issue. Part of this part was if you know me and you would guess that I didn't really care what people think, right? Because I'm kind of out there, I'm pretty - I'm transparent, I'm bold, I'm not afraid to be who I am and I thought that I didn't give a hoot about what other people thought of me. I realized that there's a deeper level that I touched. Before I get into that, I'm getting ahead of myself, let me tell you what happened just last week. So I was - during a tantric experience and we're moving lots of energy and that's, I think, one of the keys is the more energy - what I found is that energy has an intelligence of its own and all I do is open myself up to feel - fully feeling my feelings, allowing energy to transmute, to moving up in our body and it does the rest. It knows what to do, it heals. I just allow myself to open, flow, feel more, go to love, choose love. That's really the biggest secret of tantra and it sounds easier than it is because what that means is that you would also get to have the courage to face your greatest fears, your most uncomfortable moments, all the crap that you don't want to unpack from your skeleton closet. Because that's the power of tantra is you got to fully feel the feelings, you got to let them out because they've been trapped in you and holding you down as you try to repress and push them down and restrict who you are or what you're feeling in the moment, you're just creating problems for yourself physical, emotional and otherwise.

So knowing this, I'm in the process of feeling and I'm going through this, I had a breakthrough in my health. Immediately afterward, Melanie came in, my wife. What's interesting is that she has a story around rejection and I've got a trigger around abandonment and usually my abandonment story dances with her trigger - her story about being rejected and they dance and they kind of support each other and we'll go, "Did you feel this rejection?" "Yes, I felt rejected too. How about you?" We kind of do this thing. So she came in again and she was saying, "You aren't spending enough time with me. I'm feeling rejected by you." I was like, "Okay, honey." I got that this is the story that we're playing. It's not true. I love her, she loves me, we spend more time together than anybody I know yet still, we sometimes bump up or had bumped up against this whole story that dances. So I said, "You know what we need to do is just let's fully feel our feelings. Let's get into it." Actually, I don't know if I said that but that's what I created and so she went to the room and she was like curled up and kind of sat. So I joined her and I spooned her and we just kind of in a fetal position together and we started feeling. I felt a deeper level of sorrow and pain and heartbreak and a loneliness that I've never felt before. I was feeding some of hers but it was bringing out in me. By the way, that's one of the advantages of relationships, especially romantic relationships is our stories continue to trigger each other until we deal with them.

So it's like it allows you to have someone that mirrors the stuff that you want to clear and get rid of until you actually do. So by supporting her and mirroring what she was feeling, I was healing myself. I was going to the deepest, rootest feelings that I had and allowing them to come out. It was painful, it really sucked but it was sweet and it was nurturing and it allowed me to really go where we've never gone before. So that lasted for about 20-30 minutes or so. But what I found was remarkable. I was really doing this I thought to support her. But I got a bigger result in that I really got out whatever had been deep-seated within me and released it. I came out of that experience going, "Holy cow. Where is my rejection story?" I was going, "It's gone." It was kind of like a part of myself had been carrying around my whole life so long that I didn't even know it was there. What I recognized was, I just felt free.

So I was having this experience and I was like, "I just want to be myself." I just went off to my room and I was just like, "I'm just going to be in love with myself." I was just touching myself and I was nurturing. I was like, "You know? I just I want some alone time just so I can be with me." I never really had that before. Not just I want to love myself and I noticed that - and then once I did that for a while, Melanie joined me and then we had a lovely lovemaking session and then towards the end that we're done, she went off to go to the bathroom and I didn't know at the time that actually our fire - our towel caught on fire so she was stopping the house from burning down but she didn't come back for a while and the old me would have gone, "She's gone. She forgot about me. She doesn't love me. What happened? Where did she go? Should I go look for her? I'm just going to sit here and sulk." All this stuff. The new me was going, "Woo hoo! Look at this, I get to spend time with myself." I'm just so having fun with myself. So she's an adult, she can take care of herself, she'll come back when she comes back. She knows where I am. I'm just going to enjoy just being with me for right now. It was really remarkable. In fact, I enjoyed it so much, two or three times at the party I just went off to be by myself. I'm an extrovert, people. You guys know me as I tie into the energy, I get motivated by talking to people and being with people. So this is kind of a new experience for me. But it stayed with me, it's been about a week or so and the cynic in me want to make sure it stuck but it's really beautiful. What's interesting too is that now that I've had this breakthrough, Melanie still got a little of that rejection story going on and I notice and I see it. I see how it's impacting her life and I see other people's stories too because it's a trigger I understood deeply but no longer feel has a hold on me.

So I'm sharing all this because I want you to also fully love yourself. It's one of the most powerful things you can do because you could only love others as much as you love yourself. You get to give to yourself first before you can give to others. If you're someone that feels like they're not enough or they have to sacrifice their own needs or compromise their desires in order to meet the needs of someone else, I'm asking you to take a look and see if you can find a win-win, both and more and have yourself and your own personal needs met first. If you can meet your own needs first and really love yourself, then a whole new world opens up and I don't think this was an accident that the same night I had the biggest breakthrough of my life and my physical health too. I think that self love and physical health correlate because when you really love yourself, you take care of yourself. You don't do destructive habits. That's the other thing I noticed is that I feel like I do a pretty good job of taking care of my body but after this, I feel I'm hypersensitive. I'm really checking in what does my body want to eat now. What is it - does it need to stretch now? If I feel pain or something or you're uncomfortable, I'm going to say, "Body, what are you trying to tell me? Yes, let me listen to you. Let me support you. Let's be at harmony with each other." I'm hypersensitive and I'm doing much more I think to take care of my health naturally normally than I've ever done before. I think the old me would maybe sabotage it a little bit or sacrifice my needs for others and say that's being good. But now, I really feel that the key is everyone love yourself because this is the thing folks. If we all really just focus on loving ourselves fully, letting go of our judgments, letting go of our doubts, letting go of our fears, shame, guilt, all that stuff we just purge from our body so we can really just say, "Wow. I'm a divine, unique, amazing being and there's nothing wrong with me and maybe I'm not for everybody but by gosh, I am for myself."

So just love yourself. If there's something blocking you, if there's something in the way, I think the key to accessing it and this is true for everything, is to fully feel it. Especially where you don't want to go, especially the uncomfortable stuff because you can - this is not wallowing, it's not like, "I'm reaffirming the same story, the same icky feeling over and over again." It's like getting to the root, it's going deeper than you've ever felt before for the purposes of getting down there, pulling it and letting it free. Then you have a whole lot more possibility in life. So this is my video, I'm ScottieO with Ecstatic Hearts. It's about self love, everything starts with you. If you love your internal world, your external world would change, your environment - miracles will happen if all you do is focus in and handle whatever's there. The next video, I'm going to talk about the physical breakthrough I had that paralleled this at the same time and how I overcame a chronic health issue that's been plaguing me for 23 years. So thank you so much for watching, I appreciate you and I love you. Bye-bye.

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