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Safer, Kinky, Crazy Sex

A Tantra Talk

One of the things I love about being a Tantrist is that it inspires me to explore the extremes of life. I think that what we are here to do is to fully explore everything life has to offer so that we get clear on what we and other’s like and can evolve in that direction through new awareness and action. Unlike the middle path where one strives to remain calm and without desire at all times, my view of a Tantrika is one who can enjoy and access the extremes of beingness whenever it is called for. Whether it is my feminine or masculine energy, being outrageously expressive or a quiet good listener, connecting through joy or sadness, there is a place for all ways of being and emotions. This is what makes us human and perhaps why we chose to inhabit bodies in the first place.

Throughout history, Tantrics have been rebels, exploring the forbidden and testing their edges. Guess where everything exists that you want to have or be that you have not accessed yet? Outside your comfort zone. Only through stretching into the realm of what is uncomfortable, may we grow and learn. It is also fun and exciting. So, my invitation to you is live a little on the edge, explore your curiosities, stretch, grow, and thrive. If you want to try something kinky or different in the bedroom, as long as you have consent from your partner/s (assuming you want a partner), go for it. Only you can determine what works for you. Diversity in all forms is a useful and beautiful thing. Also, through sharing our discoveries and desires, we can inspire others to enhance their lives if they are called to. If someone else’s pleasure is not ours, great; they are here to have their experience and we are here to have ours. Even if I personally would never do some things (and there are actually a few out there) and don’t even understand why someone would want to do them, I can still celebrate their enjoyment and growth without including it in my life. Acceptance is also the path to healing and love.

The Urban Dictionary defines Kink as an unusual taste in sexual behavior. Gosh, I hope we are all a little kinky at least sometimes. Most often when I hear people use the word kink, it connotes BDSM activities, Bondage, Discipline, Sadism and/or Masochism. There is a wide range of activities in this domain from light spanking on the bottom to increase blood flow, to whips paddles and floggers oh my, domination and submission, the etiquette of following rules, humiliation, Shirbari or Kinbaku which is how to intricately and sexually tie one up, cuckolding, gagging, fire or blood play, mock rape, branding and scarring, suspension where people are hanging by hooks in their bodies (I was at a campout where people were lining up to do this), even penis splitting (that’s definitely not for me). If you journey in this realm, I suggest going slowly and gradually, learn how to be clear on boundaries and safe words, and it can be helpful to learn from someone with experience. I am often asked if BDSM and Tantra may be combined. Many people do, but it is not our specialty. Some people report they feel like different energies, other people love the combination. For me the key to Tantra is about connection. Many of these activities require a very close connection between partners. Sexual activities don’t always have to be Tantric. There are lots of ways to have fun, Tantra for us, is just by far, our favorite way to have fun.

There are a wide variety of other myriad fetishes and kinky activities to explore such as oral and anal sex (still technically illegal in many states), foot fetish (there are actually fetishes for just about every body part), Electrostimulation or zappers, age play, poop and pee play or golden showers, sex toys and objects, role playing and costumes, tentacles, and splooshing (which is sex with food, usually messy) are just a few. I also just learned about Spectrophillia, which is the sexual attraction, encounters or relationships with ghosts or spirits. Again, most of these can be explored in conjunction with Tantra. The Tantra philosophy when choosing between two fun activities is both and more please.

I briefly wanted to touch on one of our personal favorites, voyeurism and exhibitionism, basically watching sexual activity or being seen doing so by others. This is frankly how we got started teaching Tantra, as people at sexy camping festivals saw us and noticed something was very different. Many times early on, I was so dramatic in my ongoing orgasms that people thought I was having a seizure and asked if I needed a doctor or an ambulance. People were intrigued for they had never seen sex like this before and a relationship that kept growing in passion and fire. For years they asked us to show them what we are doing. While this is not for everybody, we are always learning new things watching others and find this an intimate and bonding experience to do with friends. Sometimes more than just watching may occur. Tantra is all about energy. With practice we can feel the energy of other people being sexual in the area. All that sexy mojo really turns us all on and we often feel very connected and loving with our friends.

One of the ways one can advance more quickly in Tantra is through entrainment. This is when a high vibration energy pulls up a lower vibration energy. This can also work in reverse, but the strongest energy usually wins. You can see this by hanging out with a happy group of friends that make you feel better or a committed depressed or negative friends that brings you down. Since orgasmic energy is the highest and most powerful form or joy, it usually brings other’s energy up especially if it is being utilized by practiced Tantrists that have been cultivating their energy over time. Many of our students commented, “I thought it would take us many years of practice and study to reach the level of enlightenment and bliss possible, imagine my surprise that it only took one party with Scottio and Melanie to achieve.”

The energy in some of our advance sexual play parties has now become so palpable and visceral that many members of Ecstatic Hearts can all feel each other’s energies, orgasms and even emotions from across the room. If you have seen the Netflix series Sense8, this is not just science fiction, but to some extent what people can actually experience with practice in Tantra. It is not always initially pleasant as I become more empathic. Emotions follow energy and some of my more recent experiences have included feeling other people’s trauma, depression, anger, even rape. While temporarily unpleasant, I am very grateful for these experience because they helped the other person release and heal old wounds, increased my understanding compassion, and allowed me to also feel other’s joy and bliss at extreme levels. Many times, I am wracked by orgasms for a few minutes unable to move from couples in other rooms having sex. I have even had energetic sex through a wall with someone.

One of the dangers of all this energy that I discussed briefly in my previous video is Kundalini Psychosis. This is where if you feel too much energy for too long it can make you temporarily crazy. Too much energy that is encountering blocks in the body in rare cases can also create physical problems. It is important to know how to ground and choose to do so when experiencing high levels of energy for many hours. We teach a proven process that opens up a person’s chakra’s slowly and safely so that a persons Kundalini Awakening is one of the most blissful and spiritual experiences one can have. When people undergo this without understanding what is happening, it can be a scary confusing and even traumatic event.

Another rare danger is hypokalemia and hyponatremia or Water Toxicity. This is where one uses up all of one’s electrolytes from over exertion, mainly salt and potassium. I actually went to the hospital by having too much sex, about 12 hours, and came close to dying. I’ll share more about this in a separate video. We also heard about one woman who died of dehydration by having too many squirting ejaculations all night. The good news is this is very rare and there is an easy solution for it. Drink coconut water; it has all the electrolytes you need so that this doesn’t happen to you. I have done my best since my brush with death years ago to be even more extreme but coconut water keeps me going great.

The primary way to improve safety during sex is communication. Not only physical, but emotional as well. Know what your boundaries are and your partners prior to engaging in any new activity. If you have a desire, request and discuss with your partner. If your partner requests something of you that is beyond your edge and you don't wish to explore it, than lovingly hold your boundaries. You do not need to explore and do everything your partner desires. If your boundaries are crossed or they change, communicate this immediately. Ask new romantic partners what their relationship agreements, STI (sexually transmitted infection) status, and safe sex practices are. Ask what they were last tested for and when and what the results are.

With STDs or STIs, the key thing to remember is that most infections are passed by people that don’t know they have anything. While if your partner does, there are precautions they can do to keep you safer. Everyone has a certain level of risk they are comfortable with. If you are in a relationship with a new person and are not clear on their sexual history or status, I recommend using a condom (and don’t forget lube for extended sexual adventures). I elaborate more on this topic in my prior video.

Some of the wonders of Tantra are the increasingly unbelievably crazy experiences that we continue to have. Some Tantra experiences that you too could have include sex with the Earth, lightning bolts of a storm, seeing fairies or aliens from other dimensions, having orgasms with others from thousands of miles away, extraordinary psychic abilities and empathic connection, group orgasms by holding hands, out of body experiences, and direct connection with God or Heaven that can be one of the most spiritual experiences one may ever have. And of course coming into Oneness with your partner and feeling each other deeply, maybe even linking up to having shared orgasms with each other. The possibilities for bliss, love, pleasure and ecstasy are unlimited!

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