We all fantasize about one day finding our dream partner. The one who fulfills our wildest fantasies of what a marriage should be. Then, the honeymoon phase wears off and what we're left with is a real human being who is not perfect.
Before you start to panic, remember it's okay to feel this way. In fact, this is downright normal because there is no such thing as a perfect partner. In knowing this, we discover all of the quirks, differences, wounds, and challenges that contribute to potential intimacy issues.
Being intimate with your partner isn't just about sexuality, it's about showing up for them every day. It's about making yourself vulnerable and building up your levels of trust. When you allow yourself to be emotionally available, it shows your partner your unwavering commitment to them.
Learn how to repair intimacy issues in your marriage with our helpful guide below.Four Types of Intimacy
For a marriage to thrive, it's important to make sure your partner knows they have your love, support, and friendship. They also need reassurance on a regular basis to help reinforce the sanctity of your relationship. To help build your union, consider the four types of intimacy below that every healthy couple can nurture.1. Emotional
Emotional intimacy requires spouses to make themselves vulnerable about the way they feel. Sharing your hopes, dreams, and fears with your partner allows you to emotionally show up for them while creating a solid foundation for communication.2. Intellectual
Having an intellectual bond creates the opportunity for you to share your views with each other about life and the world around you. This could include reading the same best-selling novel, talking about current events, or even sharing your life goals with each other.
By creating intellectual intimacy with your spouse, you're able to meet each other on the same level and improve your communication skills. It also offers the opportunity for you both to explore your ideas together.3. Physical
When people hear the word intimacy, they often think of sexual intimacy. But physical intimacy can include a variety of things to help you bond with each other. Touch creates a closeness that strengthens your bond to one another.
It can be something as simple as holding hands to a back massage to kissing each other good morning every day. Maintaining physical intimacy can play a big role in staying connected with each other on a daily basis.4. Spiritual
Spirituality can mean different things to different people. For some, spiritual intimacy means going to synagogue or church together; for others, it might mean the daily practice of prayer and meditation. Spiritual intimacy means that couples are helping build a stronger relationship with each other through the shared experience of spirituality.Issues That Contribute to Intimacy Problems
While being married means you've found your forever partner, it doesn't mean you or your partner are perfect by any means. There are both external and internal factors that can influence how you regularly connect with each other. The common issues below are often faced by couples with intimacy problems.Stress
Daily stress from a job or financial woes can manifest in a variety of ways and take the focus off of your relationship. One way to avoid this is to talk to your partner about what is causing stress and try to work through the problems together. Exercise, breathing, stretching, movement, dance, sex and other Tantric techniques are also helpful.Infidelity
If your partner has had an affair - whether it was physical or emotional - choosing to stay together is only part of the challenge. It's doing the work after you've made this decision that sometimes makes rebuilding the intimacy in your relationship tough. Learning how to trust each other again may take time, so be patient with your partner if they're struggling with being close to you again.Health Crisis
When a partner get diagnosed with cancer or has a health crisis like a surgical procedure, they often feel more vulnerable. Sometimes this vulnerability creates distance between spouses, so be mindful of this.Shame
Childhood traumas such as abuse and abandonment are often the root of many intimacy issues. Be available to your partner to talk about these issues to help them feel safe. Encourage them to seek professional help with a therapist, relationship coach, or Tantra practioner to work through these issues and, if you're willing, offer to go to a few sessions with them if that's what they need.Sexual Dysfunction
Sexual dysfunction can be the result of hormones, a disease, or an unforeseen health crisis. It can also threaten a couple's ability to bond physically and create an unexpected rift in the relationship. Many "Dysfunctions" are the result of subconscius programming that can be eliminated or improved through therapy or Tantra workshops.Past Abuse
No matter how strong your bond is, past physical, sexual, or emotional abuse can sometimes affect a marriage. The important thing to keep is to continue to build trust and offer a safe space to communicate with your partner.Addictions
Being married to a person battling addictions issues such as alcoholism or gambling can take its toll on intimacy levels. While it can be challenging to know how to support your spouse on the road to recovery, remember to take care of your own needs as well. Joint therapy or support group sessions can help heal you both and create a stronger bond.Tips for Repairing Intimacy Issues
Fear of intimacy altogether is also another common relationship problem that can show up in other forms like anger or withdrawal. Instead of turning inward, remember to reach out to your partner to keep intimacy issues under control while strengthening your bond.Communication is Key
Keep your communication open with your partner, even if you're going through a rough patch. Sometimes all it takes is a beautifully written love letter from the heart to help re-establish your connection. Healthy marriages are all about being consistent with your love.Express Your Needs
Even though your spouse might be perfect to you, they're still not a mind reader. Remember to tell them what you need and desire in addition to your boundaries. It helps take the guesswork out of what they can do to contribute to your happiness.Attempt to Repair the Problem
If you and your spouse have had a disagreement or understanding, don't just put it on the back burner and let it simmer. Actively working to repair the problem instead proves you are willing to do whatever it takes. Talk it over with your partner and come up with solutions, both on your own and together.Bond with Physical Affection
Small gestures of physical affection, like a hug, can help couples re-establish their emotional bond. Hugging also helps release oxytocin, a bonding hormone that helps reduce stress, builds immunity, and elevates mood. So go ahead and kiss, cuddle, and snuggle your way back to closeness.Seek Support
It is OK to ask for help from friends, your community, and/or relationship experts. Just make sure that the advice you are receiving comes from someone better at relationships than you.Prioritize Your Spouse
Juggling a relationship with all of today's stressors like a full-time job, family responsibilities, and everything else in between can be overwhelming. And it's too easy to sometimes take for granted that our spouse will always be there no matter what happens.
Consider how you would feel if your spouse blew you off to go out with friends or canceled your dinner date at the last minute because something else came up. While there are the few occasions that the unexpected happens, it shouldn't become a habit. Putting your partner and their needs first shows them how much you value their and your time together.Plan Regular Dates
Making time for your spouse on a regular basis is another great way to rebuild intimacy. Have a regular standing date every week to connect with each other and enjoy each other's company. Whether this means a fancy date, or a walk through the neighborhood, the point is to carve out time just for the two of you.Time to Create More Intimacy in Your Marriage
It's okay to make yourself more vulnerable in your marriage to make it stronger. In fact, that's what helps repair your intimacy issues and help you feel closer to your spouse.
We hope you found these tips beneficial to you on your search for building a stronger intimacy in your marriage. For more great relationship topics, remember to regularly check our blog for the latest love and tantric tips. And when you're ready, join us at one of our regular events coming to a city near you.